Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
