I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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