I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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