i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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