yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
