i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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