i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Liz is crying about burritos again.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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