My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
