if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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