Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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