I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
