As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
