WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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