I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How's work?
Spinning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
