I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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