No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
