Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
