The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
