just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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