I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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