I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
