You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
