You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize