So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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