YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
