I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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