My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
