You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
