but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
