It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You were trust falling into bushes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
