hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
