Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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