I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
