I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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