He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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