I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
