i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
