Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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