I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
