Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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