She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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