can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
