Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
