is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
