If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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