Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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