Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
