chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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