This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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