I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
