it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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