well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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