I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
