It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
