Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
