Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
