so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
