Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
