Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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