i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
