but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
