My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
