This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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