he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
