Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
