highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The uberlube is also flammable
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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