I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
