I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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