If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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