**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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