We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How external is "for external use only"?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
