Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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