are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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