The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
