accomplished twins. life is a go
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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